i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize