On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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