woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize