Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
