Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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