Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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