And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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