So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We need to get me chipped asap
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
