if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
