pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
