He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
not ubering you a puppy
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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