ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
