Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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