spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
