Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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