Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
