dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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