there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
