; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
