I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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