areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
