I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
