I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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