we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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