ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
