This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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