he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
