Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
