hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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