I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
