Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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