Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just threw up on my dentist
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
