somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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