I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
vagina is talking i cant
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
this hospital has no fireball
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
