i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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