just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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