I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
