If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
