my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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