after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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