3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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