if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I deserve this hangover.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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