you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
