I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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