he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My life is pants optional.
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