was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
