i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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