she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
