New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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