Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
