I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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