wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
