How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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