Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's always time for handjobs
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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