He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
