So drunk its hurt
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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