Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
