i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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