i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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