Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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