no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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