I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am available for nakedness
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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