Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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