i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
