yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize