that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
