Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
